Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
