You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
