spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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