Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
