I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
