dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
