My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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