I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
