Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
