I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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