so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
