It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ok first of all what the fuck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
