i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
