stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
