I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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