ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
