is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
