Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
