Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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