wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
