At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
