also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
