I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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