She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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