Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
