I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
