this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
