when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
