the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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