I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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