Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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