How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
