peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
