Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
