This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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