I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
