Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
