wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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