You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
