Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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