i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
