we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
