i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
