fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
