Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
