I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Randomize
