My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
