He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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