i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
