You're so nebulous sometimes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
