we have pet lesbian snakes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
