A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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