he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
