I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
