also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
