i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
