I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
